Dey Tuk Ar Jobs!

After enduring a solid Sunday of being filled with knowledge, it would be a disservice to not regurgitate some of the wisdom through the internets.

From a pro tip provided by my academic advisor, I am attending the Silicon Flatirons Conference. Subjects have included content creation, distribution and piracy, broadband connectivity, net neutrality and anti-trust regulations.

This has been my first opportunity to follow the backchannel of an event I am attending. If you're curious to check it out, the tag is #flatirons (and if you stalkers want to know what I'm up to, jealousy is frequently inspired at @dingaaar). While it provides a productive outlet to voice instant reactions, I have not found it to be much more than an avenue to release our ADD tendencies.

Starting off a lively and intensely contested afternoon session was Mark Cooper. He laid out a big dirty pile of truthiness about how the internet is affecting media outlets and how much the web should be assisting, not harming them. Do you think Scripps shut down the Albuquerque Tribune and Rocky Mountain News because Craigslist stole all of their classified ad revenue? Mark's got a lot data to blow that idea out of the water.

Following Cooper's lead, Mark Lemley continued on to dispel the doomsday warnings of the "Chicken Littles" that compose the content industry (namely, RIAA, Disney and their usual company). Let's go on a quick trip through history and explore the old technologies that have been killed off by free distribution systems - to the time machine!

Most people would suggest to begin the journey in 1440 Germany where Johannes Gutenberg endeavored to un-employ monks across the chirstian world with the creation of his printing press. A damned machine was capable of accomplishing their duties for a far smaller price at a much expedited rate. Before one scribe received his neatly printed walking papers, far in the distance a presumptuous defender of the monks cried "dey tuk ar jobs!" (Southpark reference)

But that's ancient history and if we can agree upon on thing, it is that what happened 500 years ago is of minimal consequence to our present day. That being agreed, we'll leap forward to the middle of the 19th century and the introduction of the gramophone. Another infernal piece of technology sought to displace hard working labourers and provide joy to the masses for little to no cost.

Threatening the sanctity and purity of fine arts and music, the gramophone replicated the fine act of music performance for any random joe at any godforsaken hour he may chose to listen. Far in the distance, a choir sang in harmony "dey tuk ar jobs!"

Yet, despite all of the expert predictions, musicians did not trade in their horns for hammers. Karma would quickly circle around on the gramophone and before the gramophonographers could frivolously enjoy their millions, they faced extinction at the hands of radio.

How dare they freely disseminate music to the masses with little method to recoup costs? Having an important retreat to attend in the Mediterranean, gramophonographers recorded a quite contrite "dey tuk our jobs!" and it was mockingly replayed across the nation's radio waves with little compensation to the artists.

It would only be fitting that these shock jocks befall the same fate as those that were replaced before them. Cassette tapes dared to take the freely shared music on the radio and allow the user to save the tunes to be enjoyed at their leisure. Every morning, DJ's would take the airwaves and barbarously mourned the day "dey fukin tuk ar jobs!"

And it would not be long before more folk devils came to ruin the party, destroy empires and remorselessly turn the world on its head. The VCR presented the very same threat to television that cassette tapes posed to radio - people were going to save just what they wanted, skip the ads and ruin everything.

Surely, this would be the end of high-quality professional artists and entertainers. With the capability to record and save any media desired, people would never spend another dime or watch another commercial. In a more thunderous round than ever before actors, comedians, musicians, recording technicians, agents, concert promoters, and record label CEOs bellowed "dey tuk ar jobs!"

And here we are, 2010, another full-frontal assault on the Chicken Little Coup under way and the chicks are running in circles as if they've been decapitated. Yet, just like the last 570 years, they react to the coming apocalypse that will never arrive.

Now, if you don't mind me asking, please patronize the shit out of my sponsors and send panic through the newsrooms of the world as they join the scribes, gramophonographers and the rest of the entertainment industry in ruing the day "dey tuk ar jobs!"